He takes good care of me but…

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When I completed university, my boyfriend at the time dumped me. My heart was so broken that I went all over the place talking about my predicament with anyone who cared to listen. I just didn’t know how to handle that kind of pain. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I lost a lot of weight. I also had suicidal thoughts. It was really bad. The most painful part was that the boy who broke my heart was going on with his life as if he didn’t just realize he had wrecked the emotional stability of another human being. He was carefree, while I had to carry my heavy heart around.

We were together for ten years.  He got up one morning and ended things, just like that! While I was going through this entire dreamlike scenario, Kwame heard about my pain and called to talk to me. He and I were work colleagues but we were not close friends. We just used to check up on each other from time to time. He called to tell me to hang in there, and that everything would be alright. Of all the people who tried to help, he was the tenderest. He was so gentle with his words. Everyone else said: “It’s heartbreak. It’s normal. Get over it.” Kwame on the other hand sympathized with me, listened to me vent, and said: “I am here for you if you need anything.” It felt comforting. From that day onward, I called him whenever I needed to talk. He also called when he didn’t hear from me. That was what brought us closer together.

For three months, Kwame nursed me back to health. When I started to feel better, he asked me to be his girlfriend. I had grown attached to him by then. I believed what I felt for him was love. So I said yes to his proposal. If I thought our friendship was beautiful, then our relationship was worth it. I experienced a kind of happiness that erased all the pain I ever felt. That’s why I didn’t see it coming when Kwame told me one month into our relationship that he was involved with someone else. He said he was already with her before we got together. I was more broken than I was when my ten year-old relationship ended most abruptly. I suppose this one hurt more because Kwame saw how much of a mess I was and helped me back on my feet. He saw how miserable I was when I got my heart broken so why did he also set me up on that path? When I asked him why he did that, he said: “Don’t worry. I don’t intend to leave you. I love you too much to want to do that. I just wanted you to know that someone else is in the picture. Give me some time to let her go.” 

A month after he broke the news to me I received a call from a lady warning me to stay away from her boyfriend.  “Who is your boyfriend?” I asked her. “You know I am talking about Kwame. If you know what’s good for you, you will stop running after him.” After she said that, she hung up. I knew it wasn’t right to be with Kwame when I knew he had another woman, but hey, I lost my ex because of another woman. So I endured her phone calls which always carried insults and threats, all with the hope that Kwame would choose me over her. 

I know it was messed up but then again, Kwame was the one taking care of my financial needs. I was yet to be posted for work so I had no money to survive on. And Kwame stepped up to provide for me until I am able to stand on my feet. So there was no way I would walk away from that. However, after a week of harassment from the other girl, Kwame came to my house looking unhappy. He said: “After everything you’ve been through, I shouldn’t have put you in this position. You don’t deserve the phone calls and insults. It hurts me to do this but I have to let you go. You deserve better.” 

I cried but I accepted the breakup. I was trying to move on when he came back to me after three weeks. We started talking and rekindled what we left behind. I didn’t ask him about the other lady. I was just glad to have him back. I chose my happiness over rational thinking. He was there for me and supported me to take care of my needs without complaining. He was God sent. How could I regret what we have? 

When I finally got posted to work, he helped me to relocate both physically and financially. We’ve been together for a year and a couple of months now. Every moment of our time together has been worth it for me. Just last month, I raised the topic of our future and he said: “You are a good person and if I was ready to settle down, I would choose you in a heartbeat. But for now, I am not ready. If you can’t wait you can find another man who is ready to give you what you want. If you choose to wait too, don’t be desperate. I will continue to support you however you need, except marriage.”

I cried upon hearing his answer. He is probably still dating the other lady. I saw the signs but I was selfish and blinded by love. As I write this, he still provides for me financially as if nothing has happened. To save myself from further heartache, I want to move on. However, I am worried that I would be betraying him if I go in for another man because of the way he has been taking care of my needs. I also keep thinking of the fact that he gave me the go-ahead to go for someone else. That’s what I am conflicted about. Will I be a terrible person if I leave him for someone who is ready to give me the future I want?

  • Ama

 

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