It could be you

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By Our Correspondent

In 1997 I met a guy I eventually fell in love with. But just after about five months, he dumped me for no apparent reason. I was hurt, but then, I let go. Two years after, in 1999, we got back together. I was very happy because at the time, I was in a messy relationship. This time, I fell even more deeply in love with him. I would go to his house and cook for him and his brother every week. I would also buy him gifts and do anything he asked me to do for him.

In March 2000, I got pregnant for him. When I told him about the pregnancy, he requested me to abort the child. I was going to do it, but I changed my mind. Why would I terminate the fruit of my womb that God had graciously given to me when so many women were dying to have their own? I decided to keep the baby. And that was when problem started. He told me he did not want to have anything to do with me or the baby.

I was terrified and thought he would change his mind but he never did. I begged him, but he stood his ground. I asked people to talk to him and even my mother begged him but he would not listen.

When I had the baby, he did not come for the naming ceremony. Infact, he did not see the baby until it was two weeks old. And after that, he did not see her until she was four months old. He never did anything for the baby and had not seen her for over a year as I write this.

I cried every day because of the heartache and shame he had put me through. I cried till there were no more tears in my eyes. I am an only child and I come from a big family. And so, there was so much expectation from me. I had a nervous breakdown. At some point,  I even tried to take my own life. I thank God my mother was there to support me. I am still hurt but I am getting through the trauma. I am sending this story from England and the guy I am talking about is Ghanaian and the son of a well known politician, but unfortunately his father passed away recently.

In 2002, I moved to Virginia, fresh from the Bible School. I was 20 years old and I met another Ghanaian named Adolph, a name that should have scared me off if I had remembered the Second World War. Since I had always had a flare for different cultures and things, my dating him was nothing unusual for me. Well, I also didn’t want to just settle down with him because he was 12 years my senior. I had no job. I was festered with undiagnosed illnesses and very little family support.

Believe me, when his checks came in I was not getting a piece whatever he had sent to Africa. I already had a daughter and I had fellows who wanted to court me, but he would not allow it. He was jealous. He would knock on my door until I answered, leave notes, pacifically lose weight while I was in his absence. That made me feel sorry for him and I had to really take care of him, cook his meals, wash his clothes, clean his apartment and care for him when he was sick. After my past experience, I hadn’t been with a man in 3 years, seriously.

I hadn’t slept with a man in a year. He use to eat with me, wash me, I mean I had my first real orgasm with him. I was deeply in love with him. I needed him like he was oxygen. OK back to the story. We were on and off for two years. Then, he needed a place to stay. I let him move in with me. He stayed for one month and a half and I ended up pregnant. I told him I was excepting a baby and showed him the test result. He grabbed the test result sheet from my hand and flung it into the trash. I was shocked. I mean, all this time we were together he never used any form of contraception. I had asked Jehovah and him for a child and when the child is about to show up, he throws the test result away.

Stuff started to happen to him. He called me a witch. And while I was severely depressed, with high blood pressure, no money, bills to pay and all of that,  he just packed up, left the house and went to his new wife. I agonized what to do in a daze. I made appointments for help but he would stand me up. So I made an appointment for an abortion. He took me in, paid, came back, gave me cab money and left. I ended up in the mental hospital and I wanted to kill him. He still tried to come over. I never let him taste the best dam women he ever had.

I have one thing to say to me, lady in distress: “you have won, because you said ‘no’ and you have a beautiful baby girl. Don’t ever feel ashamed because you let your beauty come, inside out, and that is your girl. What a blessing she is. It’s women like you that make others have hope for future generations”. It could be you.

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