In the first semester of my third year in the university, I met Kofi on Facebook. Our conversation started with the usual “Hello… Hi”, and gradually transitioned into long conversations. I hadn’t seen him then but I felt deeply connected to him. We exchanged text messages and spoke on the phone every single day. I didn’t think I could have any meaningful connection with someone I met on the internet until he came along.
As time went on, he told me: “I didn’t think it was possible to fall in love with someone I have never seen but it has happened with you. And now I won’t rest until you agree to be my girlfriend.” I liked him too, but I wasn’t sure if it was ordinary friendship or romantic connection I felt for him. I thought I needed to know him better before I could decide to take things to the next level.
He suggested: “The best way to know people better is to spend time with them. So come and visit me when you are on vacation. You can find out anything you need to know about me.” The thought of visiting someone I didn’t know was terrifying. So, I said no. He tried to convince me that I had nothing to fear but I stood my ground.
He wouldn’t give up. So, I spoke to my elder sister about him. She advised me: “Well since you don’t have anyone, you can consider him. You won’t know much about him until you go and see him. So, take a chance and do that.” I took her advice and decided to go and visit this guy.
He is a security person. So, I figured I truly had nothing to fear. We arranged and I spent three days with him. During that period we had deep conversations. He told me about his family problems. “We are struggling financially,” he lamented. He explained that he is the only person in the family with a good job, so he is usually under a lot of pressure to provide for everyone else’s needs. He said his own mother maltreated him when he was in school due to poverty. As a result of that, he wants to be with a woman who would understand his situation and treat him kindly, despite it. “That’s why I am not confident when I tell a woman I love her. How can I buy her nice things to prove my love?”
I was so touched by his story.
I looked at the fact that he has a stable job. And also I am twenty-three while he is twenty-six. It’s a reasonable age gap. I concluded that if I am able to stick by his side through this difficult time of his life, our relationship can lead to something serious. So I accepted his proposal. I made a promise to myself that I won’t bother him with money. Even if he doesn’t give me any gifts, I would be okay. He, on the other hand probably made a different promise to himself. Just a few days after I left his place, he called me: “Please, I need airtime to make a very important call urgently. Can you send me some?” Without giving it a second thought, I sent him almost all the money in my Momo wallet to buy the airtime.
I thought it would end there, but just last week he called me sounding sad. He was almost in tears: “Dear, my mother is terribly sick. At this time of the month too I have nothing on me. Everyone expects me to pay her hospital bills. I had already used my money to fix my taxi that broke down. Whatever is left I have already spent on some of her medication. Please help me out.” Before then, I had received my pocket money so I was able to send him GHC200 to cushion him.
Two days ago he called me again with more problems. He said: “Babe, I am so broke. My taxi too has broken down again. I need to fix it as soon as possible. Can you send me something? All I need is GHC150.” I don’t know what gave him the impression that I have money. As I am here I am very broke. I had to even sell my Chromebook to raise money to pay for the rest of my school fees and take care of my personal needs as well.
I explained to him that I’m also broke and that the only money I have on me is for my school fees. But he said I should try and help him out. So I promised to get him the money by the weekend. In as much as I want to stand by my man and help him when he needs me, I am worried that perhaps I am only being used. I am a student while he has a job. So why should I be the one giving him money? He doesn’t even ask me from where I get the money. Am I over-thinking things? Or am I right to think that he is only using me for money? Please I need advice so that I don’t let this go on longer than necessary.
—Mildred
EDITOR’S COMMENT:
Readers, what advice do you have for Mildred? Send your message to emekaasinugo@gmail.com
