I am looking for the love of my life

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Even when I was a child, I had imagined in my heart that I would get married at a young age. That was because I always thought it weird whenever I saw elderly people who had children young enough to be their grandchildren. I’d think to myself: “At this your old age, how can you now be raising a child?” Some of these old folks were past their retirement ages. That’s why I decided there and then that I would have kids early. I didn’t want to be paying school fees and taking care of my children’s needs when I was on pension.
Although I knew I wanted to settle down early, I stayed away from relationships when I was growing up. I did everything possible to abstain from sexual activities as well. When I got to the age where my peers were curious about girls and the female body, I too was curious. However, while they sought to satisfy their curiosity through physical contact with girls, I resorted to books.
I read widely and intensively about intimacy, marriage, and parenting. Whether it’s a book, blog post, or article, as long as it had to do with love and family values, I would read it. I also invested a lot of time in marriage seminars. The more I learned about relationships and marriages, the more determined I was to stay away until I was ready to bear the responsibility of marrying a woman and raising a family. My plan was to only enter a relationship when I knew I could marry the person. So I stayed single until I completed Nursing Training in 2020. It was only after I left school that my heart allowed me to fall in love.
She lived far away from me but it didn’t matter. After all, the distance would help me continue my path on celibacy until marriage. Although it was a long-distance relationship, we were intentional about our efforts. Everything we did was purposed to keep the flame of our love burning wild. We stayed on the phone talking for long hours. We texted often when we knew we wouldn’t be able to talk. And we made video calls too. Anything we could do to keep the love alive, we did it for ten months.
It was in our tenth month that I went to visit her. When I got there I got a job. We were so happy about the prospect of living close to each other. “Why don’t you stay with me until you find your own place?” she offered. “Why not?” I agreed. So, I lived with her for one month. That one month was the longest month I have ever experienced in my life. I suffered humiliation, rejection, and disrespect in all forms. I finally broke up with her when I caught her cheating on me.
Six months later, she came begging me to take her back. “I have changed. Life has taught me things I didn’t know in the past. Please, give me a chance to show you how ready I am to be the woman you deserve.” I took her back only to realize that she was still the same woman who treated me badly. So I broke up with her again, and this time, for good.
After her, I met my second girlfriend through an online counsellor. She was the exact opposite of my ex so I figured she was a better choice. Everything was going well until I realized her insecurities ran deep. She questioned me about everything and doubted all the answers I gave her. My attempts to assure her that she was the only woman in my life only fell on deaf ears. She believed what she wanted to believe and accepted what she wanted to accept. It was so bad that I even brought our story here. Not a single person advised me to stay in the relationship. Most of the comments said she was using her insecurities to manipulate me. I listened to the advice and let her go.
After her, I made up my mind to stay off relationships and anything that has to do with love. But that’s not who I am. My heart yearns to love. And to feel loved. I still want to fulfill my childhood dream of getting married at a young age and having kids early so I don’t have to end up as a pensioner parent.
Right now, I am twenty-seven. I have been posted so I have started working. I am ready to be with someone who is also tired of all the games and wants something serious. So today, I am not here looking for advice. I am here to find love. So if you see this story and you want to get to know me, reach out to me through the page’s admin and let’s start talking.

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