When you mention the top five richest families in Ghana, my boyfriend’s family is one of them. That’s not why I agreed to date him. Far from that! When I met him, I had a well-paying job. I was paying my own bills and taking care of myself. So it isn’t that I was looking for a cash cow in a woman. I was raised to be an independent woman and that’s who I have always been. I am not the kind of woman who expects favours from a man just because he happens to be my boyfriend. Because of this, I never paid enough attention to my boyfriend’s giving nature or the lack of it. He is married so we spend most of our time together at my place. When he visits I cook the meals I know he likes for him. And I always make sure he eats to his fill.
On days I am unable to cook, I order food and get him some as well. While I was doing all of this, it never crossed my mind to ask for money. I had the money so I just paid for all the expenses. He also never offered to give me any money to take care of some of the costs. This man is in his forties so I can’t even say he probably didn’t know he should do something like that.
Apart from the fact that he comes from a wealthy family, he himself is rich. That’s one thing I am sure of. Along the line in our relationship, I lost my job. While trying to look for another job, I decided to start a business. As some people have experienced, Ghana is not a place where you can easily get a job. If you sit with your hands clasped between your thighs waiting to get a job, hunger will be the death of you. You have to be willing to go out there and make something work for yourself. And that’s what I chose to do with my time.
I started the business alright, but I needed more money to help push things to a certain level. It was money I did not have. When my birthday was approaching my boyfriend asked me what I wanted for my birthday. I told him, “Right now, all I ask is that you invest in my business.” He replied, “Okay. I will do it.” My birthday came to pass and he didn’t give me anything. I also did not ask him for anything.
Days passed after that. Weeks came and grew into months. Still, this man didn’t do anything to show that he would give me the money. I became torn. I didn’t know if I should ask him or if I should forget about it. Not asking him also ate me up. Every time I saw him, all I could think about was the fact that he promised to invest in my business but pretended as if the conversation never happened.
This thing consumed me until I opened up to my best friend about my problems. Her advice was: “Give him space. Don’t make yourself available to him anymore. When he finds it hard to reach you, he will know that you are not happy about his behavior.” I took her advice and waited to see if he would notice a change in my behavior.
Just as my friend predicted, he knew something was wrong. And he knew exactly what the problem was. This man came to me with some money. He said: “Take this money as my investment in your business.” I counted the money and it was GHC2000. I accepted it without complaints. It isn’t that I am ungrateful but looking at his financial strength, I expected more from him.
In our entire relationship, I never took anything from him so why can’t he be generous when I asked him to invest in my business? I was blind to everything he was doing wrong at first, but now I see everything.
When he comes to visit me and I don’t cook and he wants to order food, he would first ask me, “Will you eat?” Meanwhile, if I am the one ordering the food, I just go ahead and buy it for him. I don’t ask him if he will eat. He tells me, “One thing I love about you is how devoted you are to me.” Yet, this man doesn’t pay enough attention to me to know when I am sad or depressed.
There was a time we were supposed to meet at a restaurant for a date. That day it rained so he got there before me. When I arrived, he had already ordered his food. Instead of letting me order my own plate, he asked the waiter to bring him a side plate so we would share his. I could see that the food wouldn’t be enough for even him. He just didn’t want to spend money on me so he would rather share his with me.
He has a female friend in his life that he dotes on. When she calls him and mentions that she hasn’t eaten, he would order food for her. He is always going out of his way to do little favours for her. His explanation is, “I am just trying to get into her good graces so she would do some work for me.” What I keep asking myself is, if he can do all this for someone else because of work, then why not me? I am the one he runs to when he feels his world is falling apart and he needs comfort. I am the one who listens to all his emotional baggage and give him a safe space to be himself. So why won’t he do something nice for me every once in a while?
I see how he treats his wife, so I know that he can show grand romantic gestures. Everyone else around him benefits from his kindness. I am the only one he doesn’t do anything for. That’s why I feel like a fool for falling in love with him. I want to leave him but I am stuck because of a promise he made me. He said he would help me work on a project. That’s why I haven’t left yet. But I am here if he would really help me or if I am wasting my time.
What do I do now? Should I stay for a while and see if he will deliver on his promise? Or should I just let go and leave him? —Nana Yaa